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November 10th, 2009

blueyedwondr24

08:56 pm - bored at work so i just read through my journal since i've started it. 300+ entries, but like i said i'm bored at work. i'm really glad i wrote all this stuff because there are so many little things i don't even remember. it's just weird reading back through all the drama with jaime and different guys i have dated. I mean jeez she's getting married in april crazy!! I also copied all the different little things i've written so they're in one place. poems lyrics whatever you want to call this shit.... you opened my eyes to the ocean now i just keep staring at the waves ~~~~ Lost in a dream Objections concurrent With fading daylight Slips into the sea As a needle in a seam Effortlessly as need Flagrant as want Ragged as hope Fleeting as peace Obscure as shelter Sustenance an inquisition To be extant ~~~~ as eyes see you the living shines brighter as tides rise and heavens fall distance is endured as longing may break a line that hope can't tread as lightly as feathers may float along a faultered path this is my coming home and then you see me not as i am, but as who i could be wild as the wind soft as the snow gentle as the sea with eyes of ice and a heart of fire this is my coming home ~~~~ walking slowly down the hall holding images fate faltered your martyr's bleeding on the wall gone and lost it from your will, your will here lies your first war within choices confused by your mother's sin helping hands will lead you in toward the shedding of the skin and the crowning of your daughters fearless fathers lost as kings here lies your last lovers breath taken as though he has no years left ~~~ i think i will run away and join a band of travelling gypsies cutting off relations with all previously known faces i might miss you for a time but if i thought i would miss you that much maybe i'd give you a goodbye something sweet to remember me love if there was anything left here maybe i could find a reason to stay but i'm cutting lose the strings that hold me to this town and as i creep off into the dark with a cigarette, a lighter, and a blanket for the night i might turn around and wonder what will you all do without me? do what it is that people do make fake promises and produce false hopes to have a reason to not feel guilty for lying unto the innocent i will not ask for sorrows i do not want them you see i asked for your listening i do not hear what you mean? i asked you to tell me but i do not see what you say as lack of communication ends all these days as i stare at the ticking of the image we call time so short is it left for me to unwind soon i will wake to start a new scene the images all blur violating my dreams a ravenous hunger consuming my soul it came like a fire not even a coal to illuminate my spirit as it left an empty shell of me tiptoing through life afraid to step on the cracks for there's usually more to lose than just somebody's back a life, a trust, a relationship are they important to you or just to me this once had meaning when words meant something but you all see definations where i see inclinations a lyrically twisting sense of knowledge untangled by the brightest minds being the unfondled kind but full of innocence creates all kind of treason only the naive have wrong reasons ~~~~ I died last night As the tears welled in my eyes I died last night Because you are no longer mine How can I love you? When all you do is hurt me How can god make me Long to kiss your lips How can I see That same look in your eye When you don't want me I died last night As my dark world crept over me I died last night Because you don't want me And I ask myself I ask myself Is it worth the war To look in the mirror And see a whore I'm only a failure The world will ignore I can't fight Cannot fight it anymore I died last night My heart was torn in two I died last night For not being with you How can I love? The one thing I cannot have How can I hate My chosen path? How can it be Happiness looks down on me I will never be free Cuz I died last night Life no longer matters to me I died last night And you died with me ~~~~ kiss as true as love the kind that makes your knees weak the kind that makes the earth shake as you walk to your car touch as soft as rain as fallen on freshly laid skin and yet i ask myself how did i find you? among the crowds of endless people that roam this lonely earth again i ask myself how did i find you? ~~~~ your one last love keeping me warm at night now i've tried not to deny i'll give it a try i'll try not to hide i'll open my heart and you won't be denied one last time to try to believe in love things arn't perfect but they're nearly enough i'll try to believe i'lll try not to cry i'll open my mind and you'll be by my side times gone by you've made my world so bright we may fight but i know we'll be alright i'll wake up tomorrow you'll be by my side i know now i'll love you for the rest of my life ~~~~ ain't it funny how the ones you love go away? just friends is fine with me if thats fine with you as long as that friendship doesnt stray do you miss me as i miss you? do you dream the way i do? i wish i could not see things as i do the things that are futuristic that i hope are not true take away my sight for then my heart could be true i miss all those people i hold close to me my family my friends and even maybe you but my sun does not rise and set in your eyes anymore but i still miss them ~~~~ I'll punch you in the face if you look at me again fuschia daggers in your eyes... can't beat the pain that's in my heart wouldn't believe that I would trust again Inside I still forgive, It's not your fault A mind jumps to conclusions without an explanation believe in what I see as truth but as I know.....All love is blind. ~~~~ Done with this shit open up inside show exactly what iam fuck what you say fuck what you do I am not afraid of you try to be better then i was change comes in time erase the blood i shed clean up the mess fix all the scars you'll die before you bring me down... again...your falling down with your lies again you fuck up try to deny getting caught up you will not defy.....AGAIN! hiding behind your cheap new whore tell her you love her she will believe she will obey foolish for what your smile portrays a decision to make the jury is in wasting this life not one more thought not one more minute betraying myself just hearing your name again your falling down with your lies again you fuck up try to deny forgetting this day as i watch you drown ~~~~ If i had one reason to try to work this out I would tell you how i feel and if i knew the words that i should speak to you it would make this all seem real Chorus: I just need to stop dreaming don't seem to be getting me anywhere if i could just put my head straight up on my shoulders then maybe you would love me as i deserve I will spend my life trying to figure out why i always seem to mess things up but i think i know why it seems to work out that way... Chorus ~~~~ If falling in love meant ripping out my heart would you do it? and then just walk away Sorry i fall in love so easy sometimes he makes me that way oh now do you hate me since you saw under my skin I promise I'm not an Alien I'm just American. If running away meant leaving you behind you know i'd do it without wasting a thought Sorry I let you hurt me he just makes me be that way oh how much i loved you till i saw under your skin it's crawling with disease your just an idiot I cannot seem to leave fast enough taking the last train out of here trying to get away...from you you think now that you love her? well you thought that of me too ~~~~

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